Survivor's Guilt
by tallym4rk
Summary: AU where there is no augmentation or Spartan program. Intended to be a one-shot, but I decided to break it up. It's based off the song Survivor's Guilt by Rise Against (strongly recommend reading the lyrics before this). Heavily OOC, but I just wanted to write this and show people. Reviews are welcomed, as long as you tell me what was good or what wasn't good, please.
1. Chapter 1

**Office of War**

Five people were exhausted and looked ashamed to be around the circular table, but one man was young and passionate. He preached for hours about the war and never seemed to think twice about the numbers he was saying. He was interrupted by an older man, aged with worry and thought.

" _What are you talking about? America's not going to be destroyed,"_ the man in a dark blue suit sidetracked to the man aged with worry and thought.

" _Never?"_ the man aged with worry questioned. " _Rome was destroyed, Greece was destroyed, Persia was destroyed, Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed."_ He extended his hand towards the young man to answer his next question. " _Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last?"_ He closed his hand and raised an eyebrow. " _Forever?"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Sam**

In a small town by the mountains, most of the houses were lifeless with the lights off and doors that haven't opened in months. But a few still were homes to the young men who weren't old enough to fight or were simply against the war. Fred was one of those young men, Sam was not. But these two neighbors never fought about their differences. Instead, they avoided the topic. As if the empty houses were always empty.

In their khaki pants and white polo shirts with three buttons, Fred and Sam walked each other along the gray sidewalk under a gray sky, silently. They typically did, especially when they took the exact same classes. But something disrupted their silent walk, was it giggling? Especially now of all, Sam thought.

In sync, the boys turned around and saw a two fellow students with navy blue polo shirts and khaki skirts. One had red hair, the other had bright blue hair. The girls laughed, covering their mouths and holding their stomachs. Sam stops and calls out to the redhead. The redhead looks up and waves at Sam.

The redhead, Linda, points to the girl with blue hair and explained how the blue haired companion 'Jesus is the answer' on her essay question in English. Her hand waved to gesture writing. The blue haired girl's face flushed with red embarrassment behind her hands.

Sam glanced at Fred, he sensed something different with him. Sam saw a smile on Fred's face. Sam's hazel eyes light and his lips grew ear to ear. Sam turned back and offered they all watch a movie since its the weekend.

The girls hushed and leaned towards each other, whispering as if the boys were right next to them. They both walked up to Sam and Fred with their noses on their phones and their thumbs tapping across the screen.

The four walked together, rotating between whoever dominated the conversation (which tended to not be Linda). The blue haired girl, Kelly, and Fred both glanced at each other with confused looks, then introduced each other.

At his house, Sam allowed his guests in first before calling out for his parents. There was no response. He shrugged his shoulders, maybe it was their anniversary.

Sam gave the grand tour of the humble first floor part of the house, which was essentially a living room and a kitchen, divided by a counter. The three guests seated themselves on the couch or floor (where Fred sat) while Sam picked up the landline phone and punched in the numbers of his dad's cell. Went straight to voicemail. 'Must be something official, then.'

Sam asked what they wanted to watch, pretending that he wasn't worried. He walked around the counter and couch and squatted in front of a glass cabinet of movies, reading off titles as he glanced at the boxes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fred**

But before anyone could answer, there was a knock on the door. A knock, not a ring of the doorbell. The group remained still and slowly turned their heads towards Sam. The sandy blond boy glanced at them, then focused on the white door. He mumbled something calmly before standing up.

His face hardened as he approached the white door. He couldn't see who was standing on the other side, but he wait a second, glancing back at Linda, who instinctively got up and marched upstairs. Sam saw Kelly and Fred glance at each other with confusion and a hint of worry. He gave them a smile before turning to open the door.

' _Block the entrances, close the doors!'_ Fred thought, standing up as he did and wishing Sam could hear him.

A man in all black stood perfectly straight on the other side of the door frame. To the teens, it looked uncomfortable. But the man made it seemed natural. Sam seemed a little startled, but smiled and asked him for his business. The man said nothing, but gestured Sam to come with him. Sam gulped and shook his head, taking a step back only to have the man take a step forward.

" _Seal the exits 'cause this is war!"_ Fred shouted, breaking into a sprint towards the white door frame.

The man in all black seemed to conjure a pistol out of nowhere and pointed it at Fred. Fred stopped mid step with bulging eyes, too terrified to move. He could hardly hear anything past his pounding heart. Lowering the pistol, the man grabbed Sam. Sam was almost a head taller than the man, but the man was ruthless. Sam punched and wiggled like a child out of his grasp but stopped when he rammed the butt of the pistol on Sam's head.

" _All gave some,"_ the man justified to Fred, dragging Sam's body through the door frame.

" _But some gave all,"_ Fred countered, amazed how he had the guts to speak up. As if he came out of a trance, he stepped forward again. Heaving from anxiety, he managed to shout, " _But for what? I want to know!"_

Sam chuckled dryly and looked at Fred. " _Carry on. Don't mind me."_

And they didn't see him for months. Fred hardly slept or refused to go to school, he simply sat by the window and stare at that white door that Sam walked through and never walked back. Linda checked up on him everyday after school, Kelly did too every so often. But Fred hardly noticed. The one night the girls managed to get him to sleep. It was a battle, but the girls were relieved.

"All I gave was everything," _Sam said with dirt covering his face and a bullet-hole decorated helmet covering his blond hair. His hazel eyes grew dark when he turned to a group of people in a clean suits, pampered hair and faces. He mumbled,_ "And yet you ask me for more."

 _Fred seemed to float above the battle. The desert and the sun were both ruthless, but that wasn't Sam's enemy. Sam's enemy seemed to creep closer to the Sam's base, whose troops began scrambling to positions. Fred saw Sam shouting over his shoulder and waving his free arm over his head._

 _Fred blinked, and all the bodies laid motionless. His heart stopped for a second. Are battles that quick? His breathing grew deep but fast._

 _Another blink, and Sam was in front of him. He easily recognized that smirk with a touch of freckles. But this wasn't how Fred wanted to meet him. He didn't want to meet his friend in a casket._

 _Fred swore he could still hear Sam._ "Fought your fight, bought your lie, and in return I lost my life."

 _He bowed his head, feeling so guilty for thinking 'I told you', but he whispered,_ "What purpose does this serve?"

Fred jerked forward to a sitting position, awake with wide eyes and heavy breathing. He bit his lips and balled his fists as he remembered his dream. Judging by the darkness of the room, it was still night. He saw the girls on the floor on the other side of the room, sleeping. He relaxed while letting out a deep exhale, then rubbed his eyes. He glanced out the window and saw a hearse drive through the street.

Fred pushed himself off the bed but collapsed onto the floor. The girls both rolled before actually sitting up to see what was happening. Fred pulled himself up, ignoring the girls, and watched the hearse slow down. He felt his eyelids burn with each blink when he saw the red brake lights glow then turn off.

The car stopped, and a man stepped out. He wasn't in all black like the man that took Sam. The man leaned back in the car to pull something that Fred couldn't see. He walked down the path up to the white door, knocked it first then rang the doorbell. No one answered. Sam's home now became another empty house with no lights.

Fred heard the girls talk, but he didn't answer. They grew silent when they also looked out of the window. Kelly rubbed his shoulders and asked him if he wanted to go down in place of Sam's parents. At first he shrugged, but then he found himself in the middle of the street with the messenger looking curiously at him. The man asked him if he was Fred, sadly Kelly had to answer for him. Fred hadn't seen Sam for months until he came back into the quiet neighborhood in a wooden casket with a _folded flag, a purple heart_ in the hands of a messenger.


	4. Chapter 4

**Linda**

Linda was curious as to why the messenger was looking for Fred, and not Sam's parents. Her green eyes narrowed on the messenger who hardly noticed that Linda was there. Biting her lip, she stared at the casket behind the tinted window and back at Fred and Kelly. Both were nearly holding each other. ' _A family all but torn apart,'_ she thought, relaxing her face.

She looked over her shoulders and at her home with the lights out. Her father nor her mother had gone to the war, she exhaled out of relief, it was just night.

She looked down the street lit by streetlights. There was a crowd of people in all black, it dispersed as soon as Linda looked at them. Curious. She thought of volunteering, to prevent more situations like this from happening. It was a thought until she found herself holding her grandfather's sniper rifle in her hand. When she looked up, another man in all black was in front of her, gesturing her to come with him.

Impatiently, he grabbed her forearm and yanked her absent minded body through the front door. Everything clicked in Linda's head when she passed the door frame, this isn't wasn't what she truly wanted. She yanked her arm out of his grasp, but the man's grip was tight off for him not to notice.

Out in the open again, Linda saw Kelly's blue hair spin and her brown eyes widened when she saw Linda with the man too. She shouted, at Linda, at the man, at anything that would listen, but it made no difference.

" _And I fought with courage to preserve,"_ she muttered monotonely. She yanked her arm again, that's what made the man's grip tighter. Linda shouted at the man, " _Not my way of life but yours!"_

She looked back at Kelly, who was crawling after Linda with red eyes and tears streaking her face. Linda's vision blurred from the tears. She smiled sadly, " _Carry on. Don't mind me."_

She wasn't abandoning Kelly, the man justified to Linda. She looked at the man, even his face is covered in black. The man continued, he said that Linda would be protecting Kelly. Linda wanted to protect Kelly, and avenge Sam's death.

In the blink of an eye, Linda was surrounded by black. Raising herself on the tips of her toes, she saw Kelly and Fred over the crowd of people. But slowly, she was shrinking. Shrinking into the blackness, she found herself saying to her friends, " _All I gave was everything."_

But she wasn't on the streets, she was at least ten thousand miles away from that street. Through the deafening sound of assault rifles humming, someone grabbed the collar of her shirt, nearly ripping it, and yelled at her. She was losing control of her body, she couldn't fight nor move. " _And yet you ask me for more."_

She saw someone pull the man who grabbed her collar and threw him like his was as light as a child. A man with stress creasing his forehead hovered over her. She blinked a few times before getting clarity. His light brown hair and green eyes were unmistakable; they belonged to John. Tears found their way through her eyes, she hadn't seen John since the war started. He knelt beside her, shouting over his shoulders, and pressed against her side to prevent further blood loss. She shook her head, but people rushed to her side.

All she wanted was to see John one more time, but the medics wouldn't even allow that. What more could they ask? " _Fought your fight! Bought your lie! And in return I lost my life!"_ The medics told her not to speak. " _What purpose does this serve?"_


	5. Chapter 5

**Kelly**

Pushing off on her hands, she ran after the crowd of blackness for Linda. Quickly, Fred grabbed her, promising her that it's not worth it. Frustrated, she pushed Fred away from her and held herself. She began thinking, then mumbling aloud without realizing it.

Fred stepped forward and told her that going to the Office of War was not worth it, that they'd probably throw her in the middle of the war to show that they cannot be challenged. With just a foot between them, he began explaining, " _The cowards preach from pedestals with words like courage and resolve."_ He clearly didn't care that they were in the middle of the street, with the sun rising and people opening windows or doors to listen. " _But what they meant was fuck 'em all 'cause freedom isn't free. They send our daughters and our sons to deserts under burning suns. A sacrificial slaughtering in order to fill the pockets of the weak!"_

That was when Fred took a step closer towards Kelly and held her. " _An artificial enemy,"_ he started, and whispered why they were at war. It confused Kelly, she didn't understand at all. She never did, but this threw her into more confusion. Dark secrets, or dark false truths, Fred made it seem. He pulled away and looked into her brown eyes and asked, " _Are we so easily deceived?"_

After what Fred said, Kelly waited in her own room until the sun went down. She slipt through the back door. Outside, she had a pair of combat boots ready for her. Ironic, she thought as she laced them up with a tight bow. With a bright green flashlight in hand, she clicked it on and walked down the sidewalk before bursting into a run.


	6. Chapter 6

**Office of War**

The passionate man laughed with fear and spun to face the man aged with worry, " _You shameful opportunist. What you don't understand is it is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees."_

The man aged with worry snapped, " _You had it backwards! It is better to live on your feet than to die on your knees."_

The door swung open and the five people all stood and jerked their heads to see a young girl, covered in dirt, sweat, and dried blood dragging her feet with two large bags behind her. With whatever strength she had, she threw the two bags ahead of her before she entered the room. But these weren't just bags, they were body bags that Kelly and Fred received from the war. Two women that were dressed in formal attire gasped with their mouths covered.

" _Don't carry on, just walk away!"_ she begged them. " _How many more sent to their graves in this lesson ignored?"_ She rubbed her eyes before continuing, " _Fought your fight! Bought your lie! And in return I lost my life!"_ She looked at all five of them before asking, " _What purpose does this serve?"_ Then Kelly asked for her friends, " _What purpose did I serve?"_

The adults looked sympathetic, especially the passionate man when he saw that his goal was devastating. But none of them moved to aid Kelly or the people.


End file.
